Steps to Raise A Child With High Self Esteem

10 STEPS THAT CAN ENHANCE SELF-ESTEEM IN YOUR CHILD

1. Be positive when dealing with your child. When your child is doing something with you, he needs to be told he’s doing a good job. Make your comments to him positive as often as possible and certainly more often than they are negative. When you need to make corrections, do so without berating him. It's better to say, "I love that you're helping me set the table, but the forks go on the left" than to say, "That's not the way to set the table." It takes no more time to address the situation the right way, but it makes a huge difference in how it feels to your son when he hears it.

2. Honesty is the best policy. Your child will trust you if she knows you trust her with the truth. Of course this doesn’t mean that you will never encounter a situation that calls for some discretion. Children cannot and should not be privy to all information. Some things are better left untold, but don’t lie. Kids can sense dishonesty.

3. Smile. The more you smile, the more your child will smile. Obviously you’re not going to smile when you’re sad, but make every effort to smile when it’s genuine. Sometimes I smile at my kids for no reason and they’re suspicious of what I really have on my mind. I assure them there’s nothing on my mind (they say that’s nothing new), I’m just smiling. They always smile back, even when they think there’s something up.

4. Be accepting of all opinions even if they’re different from yours. Maybe that should actually say "especially" if they're different from yours because that's harder to do. Just because your child doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make her opinion less valid than yours. It’s important for her to know her opinion is valued regardless of which side she’s on. The more you welcome her opinions, the more she’ll tell you honestly what’s on her mind. This is a communication you want to encourage and foster. Let her know that her opinion counts. This doesn’t mean she always gets her way just for expressing her opinion. It just means that you’ll listen and consider whatever she says.

5. Responsibility develops responsible human beings. If you give your child responsibilities, he will become responsible and dependable. Knowing that you count on him will encourage him to meet your expectations. Teachers understand that students often perform up to the extent that they are expected to. If you have high expectations for your child, he’ll try harder and feel better about the effort.

6. When bad behavior happens, address the behavior, not the child, with anger. When your child misbehaves let her know that you are angry about what she has done and not who she is. She should understand that she did something bad, not that she is a bad person. She’s a good person who may have made a mistake or made a poor choice. This isn’t just semantics. The approach you take about behavior matters. Consider what you say. There’s a big difference between “You’re stupid” and “You made a stupid choice.” A person who believes she is stupid probably believes that she can’t make a smart choice. A smart person who acknowledges a stupid choice realizes that a better choice is available next time.

7. Speak to your child personally each day.Of course you speak to your child each day, but be sure that you address something personal to each child each day. Make a positive statement. Kids like to be acknowledged. You probably like to be acknowledged too and maybe that will happen; your child might actually respond with an equally nice comment directed toward you. It could happen. But, it’s a lot less likely to happen if all of your verbal interactions in a day are things like, “Did you remember to take your homework?” and “Please pick your toys up.” In other words, if all you talk about are the mundane aspects of daily life, the positive exchanges are less likely to occur. Take just a few seconds each day to make sure that at least one verbal exchange has some upbeat warmth to it. Just one, “I love seeing your smiling face after work” or “I really like the way you packed your backpack last night instead of waiting until this morning,” goes a long way.

8. Touch. Those bumper stickers that once said things like, “Have you hugged your kids today?” made a valid point. Be sure to hug and kiss your child every day. Hold his hand if he will let you. Tousle his hair. Make physical contact. This takes just a second but means so much. My teenage daughters would sometimes make faces when I hugged or kissed them but they never once insisted that I be committed to a mental institution for demonstrating affection. I think they find it acceptable as long as we’re not out in public. Sometimes they’ll even hug and kiss you back. That’s the best.

9. Forgiveness is essential. Show your child that you are able to forgive and forget, or at least forgive and move on. Don’t stay angry. Express anger when necessary and then let it go. Show him that you don’t hold a grudge.

10.Be happy. If you are a happy person, you are more likely to raise happy children. That’s simplistic but it’s true. Do what you need to make yourself happy. Both you and your child will benefit. Maintain the integrity of your life even after you become a parent and your child will thank you for it. (Okay, not literally. Kids are not known for expressing gratitude to their parents on a regular basis.)

These ten steps will go a long way toward helping you raise a child with high self esteem. High self esteem in yourself will also help. I once asked a veteran teacher of 20+ years experience how she kept herself so enthusiastic and energetic. I had seen some longtime teachers become a bit burned out. She answered that she didn’t have that problem among her teacher friends because she simply did not maintain relationships with teachers who experienced burnout. She said that spending too much time with the burnout cases drained her of creative energy. In order to keep up her enthusiasm, she said, she had to surround herself with people who made creative teaching a priority. Both burnout and enthusiasm, she explained, were contagious. They spread throughout the communities they inhabit. It’s the same with self-esteem. If you live with high self-esteem, it’s likely your child will as well.

Remember that no one activity or strategy will produce high self-esteem in your child. What absolutely works is a relentless combination of discussion, activities and attitude. As you work with your child, keep self-esteem nurturing in mind. Accept his feelings, fantasies, opinions, tastes, and points of view. Offer support over an extended period of time (like a lifetime) and the rewards will be plentiful.

If you like what you're reading here and you'd like to read more practical parenting advice, please consider checking out my parenting book Raising Amazing Children (...While Having a Life of Your Own) or you can also order it on Kindle at a reduced rate. It's a quick and fun read and I guarantee that if you use the strategies, your self image and your child's will soar!