How You Can Raise Your Child's Self Esteem and Help Your Child Feel Confident

Many parents feel unqualified to teach their children important lessons. They feel they are not educated enough or simply do not have sufficient time to do the job well. They need to know that they are already teaching their children lessons every day. It doesn't have to require a great deal of time and it definitely doesn't require a special degree.

There are many books on the market about how to read aloud to your kids. When I saw the first of these I thought they were ridiculous. How could any parent not feel comfortable simply reading to a child? How could anyone feel less than competent in that area? But then I realized. There are parents to really want to do the right thing for their children, but they don't feel up to the task. What I wish for those parents is that they would learn to trust their gut sense of what's right. I respect these parents for wanting to learn more about effective parenting.

As you study effective parenting, my sincere hope is that you will learn to listen to your sense of what's right. If you incorporate your child in your own life, you are well on your way to teaching him life skills.

The best part of this mode of parenting is that as you involve your child in the steps and tasks of everyday living, both you and your child benefit greatly. You benefit because you get help with the mundane chores and activities you need to accomplish each day. Your child benefits by learning while doing those activities. She will learn and absorb qualities and skills that will serve her well throughout her life. The development of qualities such as resourcefulness, patience, self-reliance, kindness and manners is the direct result of spending time sharing life's jobs with a parent.

High self-esteem is one of the most important aspects of one's personality. Your child's self esteem will soar as he assists you. His opinion of himself improves each time he sees that you trust him and have faith in his abilities. Your child's self-esteem is a reflection of your beliefs about him. Your reliance on his help goes a long way toward building his image of himself as an independent, responsible person. The best thing you can do for your child is to enhance his image of himself. It is the people who believe in themselves who succeed in life. And it is very possible that if you child does not love himself, he will never understand the concept of love. If your child feels confident leaving the security of your home and going forth into the world, he goes with a great advantage.

Boosting your child's self esteem is probably one of your goals as a parent. If you have not yet set your parenting goals, start now. Take time to consider what it is you want for your children to learn from you. Only by recognizing that can you make it happen.

Many parents believe that simply by telling a child that he is a unique human being, as everyone is, they will automatically make him feel better about himself. But think about this, if you tell a child that everyone is special in some way, how special can he be? Doesn't the word "special" really lose credibility when the child hears that "everyone is special"?

Instead if your child hears that he is special not because everyone is but because he has learned to change a tire or set the table or deal with a checking account carefully, then your praise is credible and truly has meaning for him. The mastering of these skills and your accompanying acknowledgements of that mastery will make him feel special because he knows he has learned a life skill. He has earned praise because of something he has done, not just been given it because you are his parent and you love him, although that is great, too.

Once parents tune in to the ways their children learn from them and the ways they can turn their daily lives into learning opportunities, the rest is easy. The key is to involve your children in your life as you live it. Include them in activities you may not normally think of as parent-child moments. Cooking, cleaning, shopping and, yes, even bill paying provide forums for unique interactions.

Parents are busy. Many work full-time, in or outside the home. Single parents bear the work on just one set of shoulders. Few parents, even those in two-parent homes, have a great deal of free time on their hands. Involving children in your life can be fun and, at the same time, valuable for both you and your child. She grows as a person and you gain a terrific assistant and save a great deal of time!

You may not consider a significant blizzard a prime teaching moment. One parent told me that she was concerned about her family’s weight gain from eating all of the homemade cookies and candy while they were snowbound in the house. I was about to suggest that she could simply cut down on baking and find another snow day activity for herself and the kids. Then she explained that the reason they had so many goodies on hand was that the family had shoveled the snow off the walkways of so many elderly neighbors. The grateful neighbors all baked tasty treats in order to thank the family for their acts of kindness. Consider the life lessons the kids in that family learned during that one big storm. First the kids learned that it is part of life to help others, and especially those who are less able than you. They also learned that in any adversity, even in a huge record-setting blizzard, there are opportunities for positive outcomes for children. The son and daughter in that family learned these lessons, not from a lecture or speech, but from acting alongside their parents, as they simply lived their lives the way they saw fit.

Sure, that mom and dad could have left the kids inside the house experiencing screen time while they, the responsible grownups, did the work outside. While the shoveling may even have been more efficient that way, think about how much more was gained by instructing the kids to work alongside Mom and Dad. Think about how different that storm might have been, how much less valuable it might have been, if the parents hadn’t had the kids shoveling with them. As a footnote, both of these parents have full-time jobs outside the home, but the blizzard kept them out of work that day and they made the most of the day off.

If you want to read more practical parenting strategies, please check out my book on Amazon, Raising Amazing Children (...While Having a Life of Your Own).