How To Handle a Parent Teacher Conference And Help Your Child Do Better in School: Better Report Card Grades Await

In many school districts report cards include a parent-teacher conference. Some parents go in with trepidation as they're not sure what they're going to hear. They may feel unqualified to speak about educational issues with the expert -- the teacher. It's important to remember that you are the expert here because you know your child very well.

That doesn't mean that you should assume that what the teacher says doesn't matter. It matters a great deal. It just means that you go into the conference with a job to do. Don't worry too much about what the teacher might say. Think about what you want to say. Go in with the positive attitude that you will listen carefully and then you will share what you think the teacher should know about your child. If you feel nervous before you go, jot down notes to remind you of some important things you think the teacher should know about your son or daughter. Keep in mind that you and the teacher have one huge thing in common. You both want your child to succeed in school.

Most important is showing up. You and the teacher are partners in your child's education. This is vital to your child's success. Your son or daughter benefits from just knowing that you care enough about school to meet with the teacher. So, if the conference is scheduled at a bad time for you, do whatever you have to do to reschedule at a convenient time. Be as flexible as possible. The teacher has a lot of parents to see. Make sure you are one of them. And, unless the school states otherwise, don't bring children to the conference. This is a time for parents and teachers to speak frankly.

Begin the conference by listening carefully to what the teacher says. She or he will start the conference by giving you important information about your child's progress. If the progress isn't as good as you hoped, don't get defensive. The teacher isn't blaming you. She's just letting you know that your child could do better. If the progress is good, don't assume that there's no room for improvement. Ask if there are areas in which your child could do better. You may even want to write down what the teacher says so that you can share it with your spouse (who may not be there with you) or your child later. You might get a lot of information and it may be hard to remember it all later.

Tell the teacher if anything personal is going on at home that might impact on your child's emotional well being or motivation. The teacher needs to know these things in order to help your child navigate the troubled waters. You don't have to tell the teacher the intimate details of your divorce (she'll thank you for keeping those to yourself, in fact), or the misery you suffered when you lost your job, or how hard it is to be depressed and seeing a therapist, but she does need to know if your child's home life is currently challenging in some way. You aren't gossiping; you are helping the person who spends 6 hours a day with your son or daughter to see him or her as a person.

Take a moment to tell the teacher about the strengths and weaknesses you see in your child. Tell her some things she's not likely to learn about your child at school. This will help the teacher see the whole person that is your child, not just the kid who shows up at school.

Ask about the homework policy so that you can be on top of those assignments. Ask about what your child does that is unusual or creative. It's good to ask the teacher to briefly describe your child's strengths and weaknesses as she sees them. You might want to ask the teacher to choose the one word that best describes your child. When we asked this question of our daughter's first grade teacher she replied, "Quiet." As our daughter was the last person on the planet to be described as quiet, that was our first and only clue that something was amok at school. It was that one question that opened our eyes to the fact that our daughter was afraid of her teacher. Once we knew that we could work on solving that problem.

What should you do if you don't like what the teacher says about your child? First, clarify with the teacher so that you are sure you understand correctly what was said. Then ask for specific suggestions of how you can help your child improve. Ask to schedule a follow up meeting in a month in order to assess if things have changed. Ask the teacher to email you at any point during that month to let you know how things are going.

If you believe that things aren't going any better in a month and you don't think the teacher is being fair to your child, let him know that you aren't satisfied with the progress and that you'd like a meeting with the principal to see what other options there are to help your child. Always make sure you go directly to the teacher first. That is the best way to help your child. Circumventing the teacher's authority is rarely a good idea.

At the end of your conference (and please make sure you leave on time so that the next parent can meet with the teacher), go home and share the information with your child. Be sure that even if the conference wasn't wholly positive you share at least one good thing the teacher said about your child. Share your hope for improvement and let your son or daughter know that you will help and support what they have to do in order to do better. If it was a great conference, make sure your child knows how much you appreciate the work they're doing in school.

Finally, take a few minutes to write the teacher a thank-you note or an email letting him or her know that you appreciate the work he or she is doing with your child and the time spent in meeting with you. Teachers are people too and it never hurts to let them know you understand that. In the long run, it all helps your child do better in school.

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