How Do You Know If You're Ready to Get Pregnant and Have a Baby?

Recently I answered a question about the best way to enjoy being a parent. I said that the key is to maintain the integrity of your own life while being a parent. In other words, don't give up everything you love in order to raise your kids. Try to keep doing what gives you pleasure and find ways to share those things with your kids. Introduce them to the things that matter to you. Also, get your kids involved in your day-to-day life as much as possible so that you can do the things you have to do, like house cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. together. Be the kind of parent you wanted to have and you'll likely enjoy the ride. But, the truth is that the key to loving your life as a parent begins long before the baby is born, even before the child is a twinkle in your eye.

Enjoying parenting begins with the careful planning and talking you do before you ever have a child. The decision to have kids is not one to make lightly. I've heard pregnant couples talk about the need to write a birthing plan. Birthing is easy and will happen successfully with or without a plan. What requires careful planning is every moment after birth.

You think you're in love and that's all you need to raise a child happily. If that were true, wouldn't so many fewer kids be so screwy? The fact is that love is a good beginning but it's just that -- the beginning. It's part of a plan. Yes, it's a major part, a child needs to be raised by loving parents -- but love is still just a part of the plan. Love alone is NOT a plan.

Take the time to create a parenting plan. Too many expecting parents focus on the pregnancy and forget that once the pregnancy ends, the real adventure begins. It's not unlike the young people who spend inordinate amounts of time planning their wedding and neglect to spend any time planning their marriage. Parenting is the same way. There are many decisions to be made far in advance of having the baby.

Questions to consider and to discuss with your "co-parent," be it your spouse or your partner in parenting:

• Why do you want to have kids?
• What do you see as a typical day in our lives?
• How will we pay for the additional expense of raising children?
• What, if any, religion will this child be raised with?
• Where will we live?
• How will discipline be handled? Do you believe in spanking? Time out?
• Who will care for the child when we're at work?
• What kind of school will the child attend?
• Do you think doing homework is important?
• How do you think a parent best supports a child's school progress?
• What other activities do you think are important for a child to experience? Music lessons? Sports teams? Creative Arts?
• What do you think is the most important thing to teach a child?
• In what ways do you want to emulate the ways your parents raised you? In what ways do you want to do things differently?

These are challenging questions but taking the time to discuss them in depth will help you to make an informed decision about parenting and will save countless hours of turmoil later.

So, what tough question would you add to this list?

If you have kids or are considering having kids, please consider checking out my parenting book Raising Amazing Children (...While Having a Life of Your Own) or you can also order it on Kindle at a reduced rate. It's easy and fun to read and it will help you learn how to be a parent AND have a life of your own. What more could you ask?